Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I've Found The One: Not So Fast

           "Don't tell me he's not the one," Rachelle crossed her arms, leaning back in the salon chair.

           "If I don't tell you, who will? You've got to get your head out of the clouds; what's he got to offer you?" Patsy glared pointedly at her friend.

          "He's always had my back, and I don't really appreciate you downin' my man," she snapped. "He may    not be my dream, but he's  constant. I just don't have the strength you have to wait on something better. If I let him go, I just know one of his Baby Mommas is waiting for me to be off point. One of them already paid his bail so she could get back in his good graces. I just can't chance it," Rachelle sighed.
   "Well,  I'm waiting on my Dream Mate: taller than me, dark, handsome, runway sharp, driving a Benz, not renting one,  with a home in Miami and a flat in Paris, and can drop cash like Jordan dunks--swiftly, frequently, and with swag," Patsy smiled to herself as she flat ironed Rachelle's hair.

           And you think I'm dreaming? Rachelle shook her head.


I'm sure I'm not the only lady that has been privy to one or two conversations at the hair salon that made me want to scream, "Why? Why? Why?" As my fellow author/poet Tremayne Moore shares in his poem, The Forgive Me List, he details a sarcastic litany of things that some women are attracted to that make for ruinous relationships while at the same time discounting the fact that there are plenty of good men in the world who are often bypassed because they are not "bad enough", "thuggish enough", or "rough enough".

It seems that our culture idolizes bad boy behavior while at the same time demanding that women remain virtuous so that in the end they can receive a man who has spent the better part of his twenties, thirties, and sometimes forties, "sowing his wild oats" with little thought to the consequences. Society has led us to believe that a man who has wasted his body, mind, life, and purpose is something to be desired and admired. Now, there is a push for women to emulate the same callous hedonistic behavior, to be Queen B's. Ladies, this ought not be so.

If you are going to hold out for A Dream, make sure he is a Man worthy of you. If you're going to live in the realm of right now, make sure its not for the convenience of having someone fill your time. Yes, there are good men who have made mistakes, but they didn't stay there and wallow in it. Yes, there are men who are successful, educated, and making their mark on the world, but believe me, they are looking for co-rulers not moochers. The same can be said for successful women.

You can't pull apples off an orange tree. You're not a car just because you stand in your garage. An apple and a car have certain properties that place them in the category of fruit and automotive, respectively. What properties are you giving off? What characteristics are you conveying? Does your conversation say, "I'm a good time?" or does it say, "I'm a keeper?" Does your lifestyle match your Dream?

If you want to have the best of both worlds, your Dream Man  or Woman who can stand by you in the reality of this life's struggles, joys, ups, and downs with hope, then be the Mate you want to see in your relationship, and you'll find yourself not just dreaming about Mr. or Ms. Right, but meeting them.